Chemo #3 and recent things

Steve's 3rd chemotherapy session was nearly 3 weeks ago which means his next one is this Saturday.

After the last one, to say we're not looking forward to it is an understatement. Within seconds of the cannula being removed, Steve had to rush to the toilet to be sick, was sick on the way home from the hospital, and was sick every 15 minutes for the next 6 hours.

After about an hour of this, I called for a district nurse to administer an anti-sickness injection - we waited 4 hours for her to arrive, all the time Steve still being uncontrollably sick, and when she did arrive she discovered we hadn't been given the correct paperwork signed by a doctor to authorise her giving the injection. So she went away, and returned another 2 hours later having gone to the hospital herself to have something signed.

It was heartbreaking to see him so poorly - those few days following on from Chemo #3 were definitely some of the most emotional days we've had since the diagnosis.

Steve started to lose confidence in chemotherapy after being reassured so many times beforehand that any side effects would be treated immediately and this clearly not being the case this time. We've spoken to the doctors and nurses who have promised us this will not happen again, and have some different anti-sickness drugs on standby for Saturday and every treatment thereafter. I have also received some advice from friends regarding alternatives, e.g. to provide him with 24 hour anti-sickness among other things. (While I'm on that topic, thank you so much to everyone who has given me advice and recommended different things, I really do take it on board and discuss it with the doctors and nurses!)

After this Saturday, Steve will be half way through his intravenous sessions of chemo, so we are looking forward to reaching that milestone and being able to count down the remainder! Definitely going to plan an "end-of-chemo" party when it's all over!

Saying goodbye to 2012 and welcoming 2013 last night was strangely emotional. I'm struggling to put into words how I feel about the past year because it's been so full of love and happiness yet fear and heartbreak all at the same time.

I feel so lucky to have met my amazing husband-to-be and have had the time of my life with him, and I've also been heartbroken and scared more than I ever thought it possible to be. I've pictured spending my life with this person I love so much, and then I've had to picture it maybe not working out that way. I've learnt things about myself that I never would've known had this not happened to us, and I've been inspired by the selflessness of our amazing friends and family during the most difficult time of our lives. I've been disappointed in friends who I haven't heard a single word from since Steve's diagnosis in July, and massively appreciative of those who have been by our sides throughout. There are aspects of the past year that will still break my heart in 50 years time, but others that I will look back on for the rest of my life with the most love and happiness a person can possibly feel.

2013 is the year we are cancer-free, happily married, and ready to start our lives together properly. Here's to the next big adventure.

Xx

Scan results

Finally Tuesday 24th July came. We had a meeting with Di, Steve's key worker, to discuss the results of his recent scans.

She told us they showed signs of a very early cancer with no spread! It should be easily treatable with surgery and a possibility of chemotherapy afterwards.

I left the hospital feeling really positive - after all of this, he'd be cancer free and we could get on with our lives together. I was holding back tears of happiness - his first symptom had been so drastic and he's lost such a large amount of blood that we'd started to fear the worst. I was thrilled that the cancer was treatable. Steve was understandably very nervous for surgery, but mostly just relieved and happy that he was going to be okay.

Di told us we'd have a further meeting on Friday 10th August, where Steve's surgeon, Mr H, would be present to further discuss the surgery and provide us with a date. Di told us it would very likely be the following week, and we prayed that it would - waiting was excruciating.

Mr H gave us a date - 6th September. We'd have to wait nearly 4 weeks! We didn't want enough time to think about what was being done, we just wanted it done. I did take some comfort in the fact that they were letting us wait so long - I've learned from previous experiences that if it was really serious, they'd have wanted to operate immediately.

We didn't have much choice - we waited nearly 4 weeks, and tried to put all of this to the back of our minds. (Impossible!)