Update :)

I haven't written for a little while so thought I'd give you all a quick update!

Steve starts his chemotherapy on Saturday 3rd November. The drugs he will be given are:

• Oxaliplatin
• Capecitabine (Xeloda)

We've been told any side effects that occur will be treated as soon as physically possible which is reassuring, and although Steve has entered the SCOT trial (Short Course Oncology Therapy) we will not find out until the day of his first chemo whether or not he will be having 6 months of treatment or just 3. In the meantime he will need a CT scan and some other tests.

We are both apprehensive but also really keen to get chemo out the way so we can have a bit of normality back and get on with our lives - my brother moved to New Zealand recently and has a 2 week old baby, so when this is all over we are looking forward to booking a 3 week holiday over there!

The day of Steve's first chemo is also the day of our nephew's Christening, so we're hoping he won't be suffering too much so we're still able to make it - can anyone tell me if this is feasible?! Are we being naive in hoping he'll feel well enough to attend after session 1 of chemotherapy?

In other news, I have moved departments at work which makes me super happy! I really like the company I work for, but am definitely in need of a new challenge. I now have a lot more responsibility and need to know a lot of technical information which is a learning process, but I'm really excited about this. It also means I am working 8am - 4pm Monday to Friday, instead of 11am - 8pm Monday to Friday and every other weekend, which is amazing for us - also the fact that Steve's chemo will be 3-weekly on a Saturday means I can always be there with him, whereas if I hadn't moved departments this would not have been possible.

And one more thing... It's my birthday soooooon! Thursday 25th October will be my 22nd birthday. I'm off work Thursday to Sunday, and I know Steve is planning some sort of getaway but that's all I know! All a big mystery, so I'll fill you in on that this time next week! :)

Til then, lots of love & hugs.

Xx

From diagnosis onwards...

When Steve was diagnosed, they weren't able to tell him how advanced the cancer was, if it had spread or if it would be treatable.

I can honestly say, 6th July 2012 was the worst day of my life, and Steve's too. I was filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt and helplessness, I don't know how else to describe it. I was desperate to take it away from him and go through it all myself if it meant he wouldn't have to.

It took hours to get to sleep that night, and we woke up in 15 minute intervals throughout the whole night until 6am, when we decided to give up on trying to sleep. I remember waking up and praying that it was nearly morning, and it was still only 2am. Longest night ever.

Steve couldn't bring himself to tell friends and family, so I left him downstairs with Mike whilst I went to our room and made the phone calls. Everyone had the same question - is he going to be okay? And I couldn't give them an answer.

He had MRI and CT scans, lots more blood tests, and his next appointment was on the 24th July. That meant 18 days of pure agony and waiting in limbo for answers.

He kept saying "what am I going to do if they tell me I've got 6 months to live?" and "I really wanted to go to Glastonbury festival next year but I don't see much point in planning that far ahead anymore." It broke my heart to see him scared and wondering how long he had left.

I knew this was a very serious matter, but from day 1 I really did believe he was going to be okay. I told him that, but he probably thought I was just trying to comfort him. I suppose in a way I was trying to comfort both of us. He had everything on his side - young, physically fit, no previous symptoms, a strong mind and a fantastic support network. But cancer doesn't care about those things.