Rollercoaster...

What a crazy month. I'm not sure where to start.

Firstly we are distraught at losing yet another Twitter friend, aged 30, to this horrible illness. Rest in peace lovely Hannah. I hope you can see everyone painting their nails for you, even the men. Love makes people do funny things.

This weekend I attended Beating Bowel Cancer's Patient Day and it was so lovely to finally meet lots of the people who have helped me through so much in the last year and the whole place was so full of love. There were some extremely inspirational people there and it really gave me hope. Thank you for that.

Steve finished his last dose of Capecitabine chemotherapy two days ago and I can't describe how we are feeling. Of course we're relieved and happy that it's over. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. But I also feel like we've been handed a whole new challenge that we weren't at all prepared for: Life.

I feel awful being so anxious but I can't help it. For months we've had strict rules to live by and hospital appointments to keep. Now I feel like we've been thrown back into the big wide world and expected to get back to "normal" - normal is a stranger now. It's going to be a "new normal" and it scares me a bit!

Steve called his keyworker to try and find out if there is any further support available following his treatment. Apparently there isn't. I can't believe people go through so much and are then thrown out the door and expected to carry on with pre-cancer life.Steve still has some physical healing to do but emotionally we feel exhausted and that's hard to ignore. We'll keep looking, and maybe speak to his GP instead. MacMillan has also been recommended so we'll definitely look into that.

If this experience has taught us anything, it's that fate exists. We met right at the time Steve needed me, we had enough time to fall completely in love with each other. This gave us the hope and strength to be able to handle the challenges we were about to embark on together, and he has been there for me as much as I have for him. I may have said this before, but I believe the heaviest burdens are placed upon those who can carry their weight. We played the hand we were dealt. It got tough but I think we played it the best we could and I am proud of us.

There isn't much else to say, other than thank you again to those who have been there for us. It has been life-changing. To those friends who have melted away through our difficult times, I'm sorry you didn't feel strong enough to be there for us, however I will be there for you if you need me because it's partly down to you that I've learnt the importance of real friends.

Bye bye for now, I'll be back soon :)

Lots of love Xx