Chemo #4

Hello!

I'm actually quite glad to say the last few weeks have been relatively uneventful.

After Steve's last chemo session, he was extremely apprehensive about having any more treatment, and I had a lot of sleepless nights worrying about what might happen if he didn't complete the course.

However, thanks to some of my amazing Twitter friends, I was able to convince him that we would get hold of some different anti-sickness drugs so he could carry on. I'm amazed I even managed to put the idea into his head because for 2 weeks he had been so against returning to that hospital.

Three days before chemo #4, I went with Steve to his "pre-chemo" session. Usually, this is a very quick height and weight measure, a blood test and then a short chat with a doctor to make sure he's healthy enough for the upcoming dose.

Neither of us like to cause a fuss, but I wasn't going to let Steve get that poorly again when I knew there were other solutions available - different drugs (Emend has been highly recommended), syringe drivers (this would go into Steve's hand on the morning of chemo and stay in for around a week - a district nurse would come out at the same time everyday to replace a 24 hour 'cartridge' releasing strong anti-sickness medicine) and other things. But every time I mentioned this to the doctor, he completely ignored me, turned to Steve and said "I'll just reduce your dose of chemo."

We weren't happy with this! I tried telling the doctor how sick Steve had been and that if he happened again this time, he would not come back. The doctor insisted that reducing the dose of chemo would mean this was unlikely to happen again, but I wasn't going to risk Steve getting that sick and then refusing to go back.

It took me a good half an hour, but by the time we left, a new plan had been put in place. The doctor still insisted the dose be reduced, but he would prescribe Emend for every session from now on, and in case this didn't work, a syringe driver would be on standby for every treatment so that 24 hour anti-sickness could be given if necessary.

I've been told by lots of people how effective Emend is, so I was quite concerned that the dose was going to be reduced - If the new anti-sickness was as good as everyone said, would the dose need to be lessened?

It didn't matter anyway because we got a call the next day to say another doctor had looked over the new plan and agreed that there was no need for the chemo to be reduced as the new plan would almost definitely be enough to ensure the sickness didn't happen again. And with the new drugs, chemo #4 was a success! No sickness, no feeling of sickness, and even the rest of his side effects seemed to disappear a few days quicker than they had on previous treatments. Yay! :)

A few days ago, I was thinking about Steve's operation and it suddenly hit me how far we've come. I felt like bursting into tears! It physically hurts to think about when I first saw him after surgery, hardly conscious with a blood pressure cuff on his right arm, a cannula in his left hand, a drain coming out of his back, a failed epidural also still attached, a catheter, and boots on his feet that puffed up constantly to prevent blood clots. I never missed a visiting hour, although during the evening ones, the ward staff often let me stay late because Steve seemed much happier to them when I was there. Coming home to an empty house knowing that he would be there on his own, uncomfortable and wide awake all night, used to break my heart (and I'm holding back tears now just thinking about it!) - the hardest part for me was not being able to be there when it was all I wanted. Even if I couldn't do anything, I just wanted to be there to talk to him and hold his hand and it devastated me that I couldn't.

When I think now about the fact that we're half way through chemo and planning our wedding, it makes me wonder where all that time went! People ask me how we even get through each day, and for me, the honest answer is adrenaline. We have to get through each day together because the alternative is not an option for us.

I really believe that the heaviest burdens are placed upon those who can handle their weight, and when I say this experience has taught me things about myself that I never knew before, that's exactly what I mean and I know Steve feels the same.

Thank you so much to everyone who has advised different things for us and encouraged me to be persistent with the doctors, you have been lifesavers.

Lots of love to you all.

Talk soon!

Xx